In This Issue...                          WHAT ARE JOB APPLICANTS THINKING???

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Ask HR managers what their biggest pet peeve is when it comes to the hiring process, and you'll hear a variety of amusing (and frustrating) stories about clueless and careless applicants and interviewees. To that end, in an effort to amuse readers, educate job seekers, and perhaps reduce HR managers' frustration, I wrote an open letter to job hunters in 2000. Was it really seven years ago??? In reviewing the letter, I found that not much needed to be changed, though some extra tips needed to be added.

Dear Job Seeker:

You never get a second chance to make a first impression. So why wouldn't you make your cover letter and résumé the best that they can be? It should go without saying that cover letters should never be scribbled on a piece of notebook paper, but apparently it does, so here goes: Take the time to type your cover letter and résumé.

Of course, this is assuming you're not one of those who has decided that cover letters are optional. Don't think that just because you're applying online or via e-mail it means that you don't have to adhere to the standard customs of applying for a job. Considering how many résumés come in without one, having a cover letter will get you points. A well-written one will get you even more.

Make sure you proofread them. If your spelling, grammar, punctuation, or overall English skills are shaky, have someone else do it. Even if it means paying them. Believe me, it's worth it. Do you really want to address prospective employers as "Sir or Madman"? Or tell them you've taken college "predatory" classes? Why should I believe that you're "detail-oriented" and a "hard worker" when you don't work very hard to get the details of your own marketing tools right? What does that say about the kind of work you'll do for me (or how much you really want this job)?

Of course, that doesn't mean you need to show your enthusiasm by sending, faxing, e-mailing, and faxing again all your information. Once is enough; twice if you think there were problems with the transmission. Make sure your e-mail is in a format I can open and it's virus-free.

(Check your e-mail address. You may want to convey to your friends that you're a "bigstud" or "sexymama," but what you want to convey to prospective employers is professionalism.)

Also, don't overwhelm me with enthusiasm by calling me. It may be a cliché, but it's true: Don't call me, I'll call you. I mean it. Don't call me. Especially if the job ad says "no calls." If I want to set up an interview with you, I will call you. So don't keep calling or e-mailing me. Don't show up at my door demanding an interview. No, it's not discrimination if I don't drop everything to see you. It's my prerogative to reject applicants who: 1) don't meet the job requirements; 2) can't follow instructions; 3) have a bad attitude; or 4) irritate me even before they join the company.

If I do call you, don't answer the phone with "yo" or "talk to me." Again, the key word is professionalism; the key phrase is first impressions. Check your answering machine, too. A former manager here at AHI was greeted with: "Hi, you've reached Tom, Dick, and Harry. Leave a message. If you're female, leave your measurements. If we're interested, we'll call you back." She didn't leave any digits — her measurements or her phone number.

On the topic of digits, when I ask about your salary requirements or I mention the salary range, please be honest with me. I commend the HR exec who made it clear over the phone what the salary range was, accommodated the applicant with a 7 p.m. interview, listened to him talk for three hours, and didn't throttle him when he finally mentioned that his salary requirement was $20,000 over what she had told him over the phone.

You and I both know what goes on in a standard hiring interview. So there's no reason for you not to be ready with hire-me responses. A few hints: Your greatest accomplishment should not be being voted prom king or queen. Your reason for applying for the job should not be because your parents didn't want to support you anymore and kicked you out of the house. Your conflict resolution experience should not be telling off your boss and getting fired.

And then don't drop the ball when I throw it in your court and expect you to ask questions of me. So make them thoughtful and intelligent. If the main things you want to know are "how much vacation time do I get?" or "when can I take breaks?", keep thinking.

Finally, keep in mind that privacy on the web is an illusion. If you don't want a prospective employer to run across pictures of you baring body parts or ingesting illegal substances, don't put them online. That blog you write? If you freely share stories with the entire online community about how much you goof off at work, don't be surprised if it turns off prospective employers.

I could keep going for many more pages, but you get the idea. Hopefully.

Signed,
Any Employer
Any Town

Even if this letter doesn't teach job seekers a thing or two, at least you know that these amusing applicants aren't only knocking on your office door.

Good luck, stay legal, and stay amused,

Gloria Ju
Editor in Chief

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