HR Soapbox - Workplace Greetings: Touchy-Feely Makes Me Uneasy

February 14, 2008

Volume 6, Number 22

In This Issue... WORKPLACE GREETINGS: TOUCHY-FEELY MAKES ME UNEASY

HAVE YOU REVIEWED YOUR EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK LATELY?

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WORKPLACE GREETINGS: TOUCHY-FEELY MAKES ME UNEASY

When February rolls around, I can't help but think about Valentine's Day...and all the dust that gets kicked up in HR departments everywhere over office romances and the sticky situations that can make HR's life miserable when employees cross personal and professional lines. In my office, there's no fear of that, as the majority of the staff is the same gender and/or spoken for. But I do have a (slightly) sticky situation regarding personal and professional lines that I'm juggling in my head, and that is the issue of workplace greetings.

In some workplaces, showing affection is acceptable, and friendly hugs and kisses are standard. In my office, everyone gets a nice hearty "hello," but no one gets a peck on the check, a warm hug, or even a firm handshake. Maybe a high-five in passing. But not really.

For me personally, a question doesn't even arise about in-office greetings. First thing in the morning, the most you'll get from me is a grunt. Don't say anything more than "hello" or "good morning"...I just can't handle more conversation than that, let alone physical interaction. Even as I wake up some more, I still don't think there's a need for any physical contact in the workplace, especially to say hello or good-bye to someone that you saw yesterday and will see again tomorrow. And the next day.

My question is how to greet co-workers when we're outside of the workplace. At the end of our holiday party a couple years ago, one of my male co-workers kissed me on the cheek on his way out. It caught me off-guard. Not because I thought he was hitting on me; his wife was standing right next to him, and I was friendly enough with her to greet her with a kiss. My (non-work) friends all get pecks hello and good-bye. But my work friends? I realized I had no idea what the proper etiquette was for greeting my co-workers in a social setting. Was it different? Did it have to be? Then I wondered whether I now had to kiss all of my co-workers good-night, plus their significant others.

In reality, those thoughts probably occupied about .5 seconds of my time at that holiday party. It really wasn't a big deal, but it got me thinking. And what I'm thinking is that we all have to assess and act on not only our own personal level of comfort, but also the level of friendship with each co-worker. And don't forget the situation. When a co-worker got a phone call that her father had had a heart attack, I didn't hesitate to give her a comforting hug.

But as a general rule, I say, instead of puckering up, do something else with your lips and give your co-workers a nice big smile. And keep your hands to yourself. Why? The answer, ironically, is KISS. In other words, Keep It Simple, Silly. Why bring up an issue fraught with danger?

The feelings on this range from "bring it on" to "stay back 200 feet." So why even have to think about which employee falls into which category.

Then there's always the danger of mixed signals. A subordinate could think a superior's "friendliness" is a precursor to a quid pro quo request. An employee could find a touchy-feely environment to be a hostile one. A non-touchy-feely employee may view a receptive co-worker as the "teacher's pet." An outside observer may view a tight-knit team not as hard-working, but as too laid-back and unprofessional.

For those reasons, KISS and don't kiss.

Good luck, stay legal, and keep your lips (and hands) to yourself!

Gloria Ju
Editor in Chief

READERS GET ON THE SOAPBOX

Here's what readers had to say in response to last month's issue on:
BUYING A DAY OFF

Paying for "excuses" is the employer's fault through unreasonable "Absenteeism Policies." I worked for a company who would give you a verbal warning after 3 unexcused absences, written warning after 6, and termination after 9 in a "consecutive 12-month period of time." The application of that policy was that the 12 months started over after each warning. This was not stated to the employee until after you were terminated 18 months later. Employees who are willing to pay for an excuse to get away from work are willing to lose a day's pay but not their job. Employers have brought this on themselves. What is next — a note from mommy that you were too busy taking care of her needs than the employer's?
My solution as HR Mgr dealing with a chronic absence with false(?) doctor's notes:

I had told the repeatedly offending employee who kept presenting doctor's absence notes that: I was going to immediately begin confirming the absences by faxing the notes back to the doctor's office for confirmation of authenticity by the doctor himself (since the employee's girlfriend worked in the doctor's office and she used the doctor's notepad for her boyfriend's absences).

And so, I only needed to do that once, in which case, I'm fairly certain that the girlfriend forged the doctor's signature back to me on my faxed request with a copy of the absence note. But after that incident, I believe it was enough to discourage his submitting doctor's notes since the absences diminished and he eventually left the company.

But, on the other hand, b/c my employer uses PTO exclusively, and does not offer paid sick days separately from paid VAC days, abuse of chronic absenteeism is rarely ever a problem in the company since employees want to save their paid time off for their "planned" pleasure and leisure time rather than just their convenience.

Additionally, we do begin disciplining harshly for any excessive absenteeism and/or patterns of absenteeism so if there are any problems that lie beneath the surface unbeknownst to management that are adversely affecting the employees, management finds out fairly soon if it is something that we need to take care of since most employees want to keep their jobs and not lose them due to absences.
"I admit it. I've laid in the comfort of my bed after my alarm clock goes off and thought about calling out sick. Of course I'm not sick, but I could get sick by having to leave the warmth of my bed. And, now that I come to think of it, my throat does feel a little scratchy, so I shouldn't chance it, right? 'Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!' chants the angel on my shoulder."
Melissa — We all feel this way from time to time. I beat it by applying a rule my mother had for us in school. Her rule was that any child "not feeling well" had to get up, dressed, and ready for school. Then if we still didn't feel good, we would discuss it. Most times it's that initial effort that gets me past the feeling that the world would be better off today if I stayed in bed. I have used this idea in counseling first time job-holders just out of school with some measurable success.

Note: Responses may have been edited for clarity and length.

Review past issues of HR Soapbox here.

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